2012 whizzed past me and left me a little blank and numb at the end of it.
I am living in the first day of the New Year, yet my thoughts are full of the year gone by. It’s bound to happen. The nostalgia for a time that won’t come back…for a cycle that is complete and yet incomplete.
I am the last person to make and stick to “New Year Resolutions” but a newspaper article that I read the other day about resolutions being a 4000 year old tradition got me thinking. People have been trying to consciously get change into their lives at the beginning of every new year for the past 4000 years! Not bad at all for humanity…and the way we have turned out to be. At least one day in a year compels us to think of changing ourselves. Whether we stick to it or not, is a different matter altogether. And a very private and personal one at that. Not meant to be publicly discussed or debated over. Touche.
Change is a constant. A boring paradox of a constant. Because its uncomfortable yet refreshing. Its a slap on your arse, and yet once you get your wits about you to adapt and cope with it, it’s not all that painful.
Just today I was watching the trailer for Will Smith’s next movie called After Earth. I might not be able to precisely quote him, but he says something on the lines of: Danger is not something that you can control, but you can control your fears.
And bang! just like that a light went off in my head! a light which can be a very short fuse at most times and during the other times…probably just lie dead….now that’s another story altogether…
But the light in my head gave me my first new year resolution: Control my fears.
A subconscious mental audit of myself during the time when the last day of last year was going to merge with the first day of the new year, made me realize that a lot of decisions or choices that I make for myself personally are based on a lot of fears. Some serious, some not-so-serious, and some plain foolish, and some that can be rationalized.
And as we know, one thing can and does lead to another thing…the Butterfly Effect notwithstanding. And something leading to something, can at times give one immense joy and peace, and at other times completely rob you off it.
So I am going to pledge myself to control my fears and rationalize with them much more in the new year. And that brings me to my second resolution: Control my anger.
Well, the resolution does not mean I need anger management of any sort. But it just takes off from where the previous resolution finishes.
A chain of events, when they go the unplanned and unpleasant way, can often make one angry. And in anger, one ends up saying and doing a lot of things, which are avoidable and regrettable in every way possible. But words and actions are the worst things in the world. Once they are out there, they stay out there. You can’t drag them back inside where they ideally belong. That is why one should be careful about them.
The third resolution is for me to save more, so that I can travel as much as I can (fourth very very wishful resolution).
My fifth resolution is to try and be content in the space that I am. Thing is, one already has the mind and heart jostling for supremacy deep within the soul of you. To keep constantly wanting many different things, all at the same time, will leave all of them unachievable and completely out of our reach…and leave one always feeling dissatisfied and discontent. We really can’t have everything that we want. And most of the pain we experience…is what we give to ourselves…because we want so much…in such little time.
My sixth and absolutely last resolution is the toughest of all of ’em: It is to strongly work towards keeping the above mentioned five resolutions.
Amen to that.